If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize