Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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