Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
