Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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