Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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