Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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