Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
