found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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