I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
