i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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