I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
