Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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