My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
