Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
