oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
