I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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