we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
