I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
