Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize