new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
