there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
