Cold hands, warm shart.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
