..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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