I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
