That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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