just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
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I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
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Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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