My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
