Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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