theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
