I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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