We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
