I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
