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he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
