Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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