Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
