Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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