I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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