He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
