You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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