Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize