omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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