I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His nipple licking is glorious
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