dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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