i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
