So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
as a side note pls kill me
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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