I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
