I think I died a long time ago.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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