I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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