No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
