hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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