FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
