I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
