There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
