you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
