6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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