Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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