i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
