a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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