P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
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Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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