i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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